How To Spot Sweetheart Scams

Research shows that remaining socially active is good for our physical and emotional well-being. After all, it’s only natural to long for connection. The good news is that today, it’s easier than ever to meet people online, through dating apps and social media.

The bad news? If you’ve been chatting online with new friends or looking to find a partner, there’s a chance you could fall for more than romance. You could be tricked by a sweetheart scam — sometimes called catfishing or romance scams— where a scammer pretends to be someone else to win your trust and get your money. The Federal Trade Commission estimates people who are the victim of a sweetheart scam lose an average of $2,000.

Fortunately, there’s plenty you can do to avoid getting scammed while meeting new people. AARP Foundation has put together what you need to know to stay safe while socializing online.

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How sweetheart scams work

Scammers lurk on dating apps and social media sites so it’s easy to connect with them. You may match with a scammer after posting your dating profile or receive a message from them on Facebook. Your new friend looks promising — attractive, charming, and attentive. In reality, their photo is fake and so is their friendship.

Sweetheart scammers will move fast, “love bombing” you with praise and attention from the get-go. Soon, you’re chatting several times a day. But when you ask to meet in person or video chat, they’ll always have an excuse for why they can’t — their camera is broken, for example. Once they feel they’ve earned your trust, they will make a move: asking you to send money.

Sometimes, they may tell you they need money for something simple like an emergency car repair. Other times, they may send you money and ask you to transfer it somewhere else — a common money laundering scam. Or they may pressure you to move your money into their “can’t lose” investment. In reality, they’re just looking for ways to get your money or hide money they received illegally.” Once you send the cash, they stop communicating with you.

Warning signs to remember

Being aware that sweetheart scams exist is the first step to protecting yourself from potential scams. In addition, stop contact if you notice the following warning signs:

The picture they send you looks more like a model than an ordinary snapshot.
They quickly want to communicate with you through email or instant messaging, instead of the platform where you met.
They lavish you with attention — sending lots of texts and emails and making lots of phone calls.
They repeatedly promise to meet in person but always come up with an excuse to cancel.
They suddenly request money to deal with an emergency or make a surefire investment.

How to stay safe when meeting new people online

Even if you were the first one to make contact, be wary. Scammers set up lots of dating profiles and wait for their victims to come to them. And they’re good at knowing what most people will find interesting and attractive.

To protect yourself, be sure to:

Take it slowly. Ask a lot of questions and notice if their story adds up.
Talk to family and friends. Pay attention if they have concerns.
Check an online suitor’s profile photo. Use Google’s image search to learn if the photo comes up with another name attached to it.
Be wary of flirtatious and overly complimentary emails. Paste the text into a search engine to learn whether the same words show up on websites devoted to exposing romance scams.
Limit the personal information you share. Scammers can use details like your last name or where you work to manipulate you or to commit identity theft.
Never share intimate photos. They could be used to blackmail you.
Don’t send cash, cryptocurrency, gift cards, or put money on a reloadable debit card for someone you only met online.

If you think the person you’ve been chatting with might be a scammer, cut off contact immediately. Block their phone number and email address. If you met on a dating app, notify that platform to lessen the chances of someone else getting scammed.

Finally, it’s only natural to feel disappointed after discovering a budding relationship wasn’t real. Remember, this wasn’t your fault. Recognizing your feelings — or even writing them down — is the first step to moving on. Learn more about bouncing back after putting yourself out there: 3 Steps to Keep Disappointments From Getting You Down.